Loyalty Has An Expiration Date
Have you ever bent over backwards for a customer, friend, family member or someone you respect only to be walked all over?
I have heard others talk about bringing value, about loving your haters and I have even seen some go so far as to be kind enough to help your haters after you succeed, that want your help.
But I have a different point of view when it comes to haters or those that just flat out don’t meet your standards.
It is not because I am unkind, that I don’t care but I have realized over the years that loyalty has an expiration date. There are people that will come into your life for various reasons and seasons. But the trouble is that many of those who I know that you are “kindhearted”. . .
. . .see being kind without boundaries is keeping people in your life when their expiration date has expired.
I used to try to do this myself, you know, “trying to be a good person” and love people by keeping them around or be convenient for them to “show love” regardless of how they treated me.
But what I realized over time was that sometimes love is tough and to show true love is sometimes to cut people out of your life if they don’t meet your standards. Love is not compromising your own standard just so others will like you, it means having boundaries and expectations.
You may see this as selfish but I see it as respecting yourself and loving yourself. Sometimes it’s people that are only there because they think they can get something from you and they really don’t care about you, sometimes they just are mean people, others are just there to try and take you out, and still others are taking themselves out and plan on taking you with.
The hardest one is when those people are blood related.
Loyalty has an expiration date: Toxic people that look like they want to help
There is this one “life coach” I met with a few years ago trying to find peers I could grow with. He actually used to be a minister and is now doing life coaching. He seemed super inspiring and I thought he would be a good person to connect with since I was in some ways doing the same. (After closer inspection I realized he was a narcissist and was living through his child using him)
But instead what he did was realize I had more knowledge then him, asked me to write a list of everything I knew and email him (saying this could be what I offer in my business and it was to help me brainstorm and he was helping me be accountable) only to see him the next day using my list as a list of what he offered. Yep! He used my own ideas to solve his problem of not having any….
To this day he is still out there using everyone else’s ideas because he can’t come up with his own and sadly enough I have seen him on a few TV programs with my ideas. Definitely someone that I chose to remove from my life.
This is true in business as well. You get to choose your customers not just hope you get customers. I had one woman ask me to meet her somewhere because she wanted to buy one of my products. I agreed since I was on the road anyway.
But then she no showed.
When I sent her a text asking where she was she said, “Oh sorry I’m grocery shopping instead, maybe I can meet you another time.” I replied letting her know that I have a full schedule and that I was unable to meet her again. I didn’t want a customer that was unreliable and didn’t respect me.
And it is the same in “friendships”.
I remember one woman I knew that just hated me for some reason. She did some horrible things behind my back. Your typical hater and very jealous. But she always wanted to “stay connected” to me because she said “she knew I was going to be successful and she wanted to be part of those rewards and benefits.”
She didn’t get to be part of my future.
Not everyone should go with you into your future and in some cases NOBODY should go with you. If you are reading this blog post and you realize that your parents have retreated you the same it may be time to cut ties.
Self love creates boundaries
I think this need to “love others” can sometimes turn into a horrible pattern of trying to be liked by everyone. It is also a huge indicator of codependency and a huge sign that you have not learned self love yet.
This was the truth in my story until my eyes were opened and I started to heal my life. After I was able to heal myself of CPTSD from psychological abuse, discover who I was and learn to love myself…I learned that not everyone is capable of love.
When you run into people that cannot love or you realize they don’t have empathy and respect for you it is time to remove them from your life. Only they are responsible for who they choose to be.
Remember to forgive people, but forgiving someone doesn’t mean you allow them to be in your life and that they don’t have to respect boundaries you have set. It means that what happened no longer affects you – it releases you from the past.
Remember, respect and loyalty are earned while forgiveness not only allows you to move forward and forget the past, you are able to live without walls and not hold everyone else around you responsible for others behavior and become a victim thinking “everyone is like that”.
I know we have all heard “love others how we love ourselves”. But the truth is that you cannot love others unless you love yourself first. Yes, I have heard people teach against loving yourself, but I honestly think that teaching is baloney and it’s the reason so many get abused by leaders, friends, spouses…because they let them walk all over them out of “love”.
If you are someone that is allowing people to walk all over you for the sake of trying to keep the peace, remember that all you are doing is storing up resentment for the future. Watch how people treat you, listen to what they say and don’t allow them in your life unless they show you that they live at the level that you choose to live and they treat you the way you expect to be treated.
Don’t be that person that wants to be liked so much that you will just make yourself so convenient that you no longer have any self-respect.
I remember so many times in my life when I was “trying to be a good person” all the while others behavior was ticking me off inside. I would keep quiet and either just remove them and never speak up or resent them. This isn’t productive either, because sometimes you need to set expectations so people know how to treat you. So the next time someone does something communicate your standards in a respectful way, if they don’t respect your standards remove them from your life. Others only have power over us that we give to them.
Remember loyalty has an expiration date and it may be that today is that date for some people in your life.
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